Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
