He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
