Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
