I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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