Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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