We're facebook friends in real life
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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