you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
