i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
