I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
