she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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