Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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