Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
