Sry I called you an 8
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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