you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
