You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
