Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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