last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
