Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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