just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
