Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
