You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
