Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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