oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
