Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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