I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
