I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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