There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
