roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Too much gin, very little bucket
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
