Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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