Duck Duck Cougar?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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