He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
