Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
