I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
