Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize