you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
