Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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