Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
