College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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