I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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