you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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