He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
