my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
