I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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