We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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