i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
