I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
They are going to name an STD after you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
