im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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