I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
