fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
