I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize