Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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