I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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