but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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