I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
