the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
