I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
