Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize