Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
