ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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