so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
