i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
