just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
