accomplished twins. life is a go
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
