Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
