he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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