Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
