So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
