all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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