I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
